god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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