Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
