I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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