I like to think it a success when the cops are called
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I fill condoms, not promises.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
