i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
