the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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