Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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