I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
