If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I would fuck him just for his dog
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
