he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
