If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just invented taco cereal.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
