youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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