he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
