I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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