drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
