I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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