yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
