My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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