It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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