is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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