Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
