I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
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Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.