Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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