i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
