He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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