bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
