All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
