I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
