my vag is so smooth its legendary
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
