One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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