Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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