I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
