drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
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He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
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After tacos, we're chasing women.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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