like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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