my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
