I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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