I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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