New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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