that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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