If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize