I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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