Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
