So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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