and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
