Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
