Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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