her vagine was all disorganized.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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