my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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