He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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