Cold hands, warm shart.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
