just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I did not marry a roomba.
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