you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Enjoy the penises
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
