You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think people are normalizing furries
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
