new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize