I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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