I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
