Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
