I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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