Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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