I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
