Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my poor anus
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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