call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
